fuck jouska

Having been in a shitty family financial condition for the past 4 years or so, I started to equal value with money. You know, mau ketemu temen ngitung ongkos banget padahal intinya bukan itu. 

That I started to obsessively promise myself, when I have extra money, I'll save it all. 

Fun fact, it doesn't work like that. 

You spent as wise as you can, spent first on your need. 

So you need few extra bucks to get that slight better laptop? Go get it, it'll last for a while that you forget you spend it in the first place.

You need shoes? Spent as much as you can for quality shoes, sure don't spend it on 3million ultra boost, but 900k for entry Nike react makes sense. 

Save as much as you can without hurting yourself psychologically, and spent as much as you can without hurting your financial safety net. 

I;m gonna publish this post just because

I think I finally find someone weird enough that I can ignore any normal approaching technique, well, I can throw away any regard of normalcy with her.

I think I wrote something about what I value in life is different from what probably most people consider valuable, to quote myself, 

"And my friend just asked, "so hows *insert the girl's name*"

Then I answer with a rant of how I feel that how I see life is too out there for society's standard that makes me not a good candidate for marriage."

She's the first one that did not ask, "mikir apa sih nic" when I told the story of how I got my hair yellow, like Super Saiyan yellow. Instead she said, "kok seru sih", or something along those lines.

It feels like I find someone from the same planet as me.

Okay this is my navel-gazing, I haven't do anything that resembles "approaching" yet, but I want to know her better, at worst I have new friends where my jokes land 90% of the time. And I consider, "nyebelin abis" with a little smile as my joke works.

Do I put my life on this? No, heck no, people who rerouting all of his/her emotional and physical resources to get to know someone is weird, your priority is your own life, when getting to know someone gets harder than you can tolerate, whatever your toleration level is, you need to stop.

I consider this as a side project, whenever the chance arrive to get to know her, I'll use it.

If there aren't any, I still have 4 games I haven't play yet on my backlog.

Hekho

Lagi demo heboh, isinya mahasiswa banyaaaaaak bet, gue jd kangen kuliah.

Kuliah itu masa dimana lo bisa sedikit bodo amat, we old dude are too pragmatic. It is the privilege of mahasiswa to do something stupid, as stupid as closing down streets to tell the world their aspirations.

Tapi gue aja klo ketemu sama diri gue 10 taun yg lalu, bakal banyak hal yg kita berbeda pendapat, mulai dari soal pemilu sampe soal demonstrasi.

Gue dulu percaya klo lo ga nyoblos lo ga boleh protes, yg gue gatau saat itu adalah kontrak sosial politik seorang WN dengan Negara nya itu bukan di pemilu, tp dari pajak. Kita hidup di negara ga gratis juga, jadi ga usah cinta2 banget lah, bangga boleh.

Kontraknya adalah sebagai WN adalah melakukan kewajiban kita - bayar pajak, menaati hukum, dll - dan peran negara ada menyediakan rasa nyaman, aman, dan tenteram, mulai dr law enforcement, bikin jalan, sampe menjaga Hak kita sebagai WN, dan HAM termasuk di dalamnya.

As long as you're paying your taxes and do the things that are expected of you as a citizen, you have every right to demand your country through its government to do what it's expected to do.

Ada transaksi disini, ada ekspektasi. Kehidupan bernegara itu memang tarik tambang, semacam menjaga keseimbangan yg subjektif soal how much power is too much? How much power should we give the government for the to be able to govern well.

Disini sebenernya sumber kepelikan, karena tarik tambang ini dasarnya kepercayaan, dan level kepercayaan itu fluktuatif, kayak dating simulation lah, you do this thing trust level turun you do that thing trust level naik, dan ini sangat subjective dari orang ke orang, Daerah ke daerah, makanya pelik, makanya ga gampang, karena bayangin aja, hal se saklek climate change aja orang masih bisa ga percaya, yg sama2 percaya bisa punya cara yang beda, kayak gue misalnya, ga percaya klo tanggung jawab perihal climate change itu solely on us the individual, those huge greedy corporations juga bertanggung jawab, bahkan kalo mau proporsional ke sumbangan limbah, kayaknya tanggung jawab 7 milliar orang ini ga sampe setengahnya, sisanya ya perusahaan gede yg satu pabriknya ngehasilin polusi 10000 mobil.

Jadi gimana solusinya? Gatau.

Informasi tidak didapat sama rata, gue yang bisa bahasa inggris bisa punya 2 kali lipat sumber informasi, bayangin yg bisa 4 sampe 5 bahasa dan fasih.

Zuzur klo gue lagi mode peduli politik gini jadi pusing sendiri, tapi this mild inconvenience is the price of being informed. Apakah ini membuat saya makin sinis dan skeptis? Sangat. Tapi disatu sisi kok saya ttp masih percaya kalo we can be better.

So with these hoo haa, one thing I want to say is that I understand, it is the price of living in a democracy.

Absolute power corrupts absolutely, klo lo baca2 statement anggota dpr, udah kayak orang lupa kalo dia itu dipilih, punya konstituen, yang mungkin juga sudah berusaha menyampaikan aspirasi lewat jalur yg mereka tau. Ada relasi antara negara dan WN, klo cuma pacaran bisa putus klo ga ketemu eye to eye, tapi ngerubah orang itu sulit, lebih gampang ngerubah presiden kayaknya. Ketika tidak didengarkan, make yourself heard, even if it means nginep di depan dpr dan gambar kontol di pager nya.

Lagian gue juga percaya kalo manusia, di level individual, pada dasarnya bersifat anarkis. Tapi kebanyakan manusia tau bahwa kenyamanan hidup mereka harus ditukar dengan menuruti aturan sebuah negara.

Pencuri masuk penjara kalo ketauan sama yang dicuri dan ketangkep polisi.

Ketika yang dicuri ga sadar dicuri dan ga ketangkep yaaaaaaaa gitu.

Basically is they think for themselves at individual level, tapi yaaa bisa disusupi ide pelan2, makanya ada industri periklanan, yang bisa meyakinkan kamu kalo kamu butuh ultra boost.