If anything, 2019 is peak stress for me.
That specific client just sucked a lot of life from me, and I felt at that time the company wouldn't be going anywhere, in fact, staying as they were at 2019 is already a good job.
But the stress was too much, the pay was too little, and I decided to leave.
It was a risk, the next company wasn't in a better position, but I just had to be selfish, I needed a fresh air, I needed another perspective.
And yeah the next company was not better, in fact it was in a lot worse condition in terms of performance, but the people in management was much better.
I learnt there and then that if you are a good person and working with good people, things might turn to shit, that's just how it is, but you're left with a lot less anger.
While my at my first work, the central management from regional always felt like they deliberately being an asshole, my second one felt like they just handled a bad card, and by the time I arrived there, it's already in a shitty place.
Fast forward to 2020 April, my second workplace closed for good, the first one is still there, and getting more toxic than ever.
It's a lot like breaking up with a good person who just happened to be the wrong one vs. Staying in a relationship with an abusive arsehole.
Yes there was unstable phase in a lot of my co-worker's life when the company came to a close, but little by little they found the next job, all is well.
I came to realization like two hours ago that my experience with my previous employer shapes how I manage my team, my relationship with other team, and my relationships with my work.
Working in a big company helps as usually the HR division will be strong, the rules are set in stone. Unlike small company where the power usually centered around few, big company are usually more balanced, there won't be any rule change just because one guy in the high management read some random listicles about how to increase performance.
Like even my direct supervisor is not all powerful, they still have to answer to 3-4 bosses above them, they still have to collaborate with other colleagues of the same level.
Yes I have to report to them, yes they can and will provide advice/direction to me and my team, but most of the time we are left to our own to decide the best step for each of our issue.
That is why I am not too bothered, irritated? Sure, but when I see the bigger picture, meh, I'm in a better position in terms of job security compared to my previous 4 years of working.
I also learnt about the power of collectives, literally just socialised a lot, just have a shred of empathy, be interested in the person, be genuinely genuine person, and suddenly you're backing each other's ass, suddenly the bosses are a lot less powerful.
Ther are fewer bosses than staffs.
What's the point of this post? I don't know, a lot happened last week, professionally, it's another new experience.
