Se666an

A lady call my name with affectionate tone and now I'm willing to do shit that I usually will try to find 100000 reason not to do.

Seriously, "tolong ya mas nicooo"

Bodo amat, but seriously.

I'll bring anything you ask as long it's reasonably cost and reasonably sized, I don't have the money for expensive shit and I don't have the car to bring you big stuff.

Pompa balon? Yaelah I'll bring you every pompa I have in my house.

I pity people who failed to recognize that I'm a bucin through and through.

You just have to ask me nicely and I'll do it, call my name affectionately and I'll spend the rest of the night thinking of you while opening your WhatsApp profile picture, while listening to any romantic songs I have in my disposal.

Then I'll intellectuallize everything, calculate almost every possible outcome, where 90% of the outcome are failures, then I'll decide not to do anything.

But even if you call me with every known affectionate nickname available to human civilization, I still won't meet you on Friday rush hour, might as well kill me.

But I'll bring you pompa balon.

Oyo Oyo Oyo

When you got pushed to the limit of your sanity, you started to prioritise things you want in life.

Is it the feeling of having power over people? That I need to feel that people need me? (I kinda had that)

Is it the money? (don't have that)

Or time? (don't have that either)

I survived just based on an idea that these people need me, that I am irreplaceable, and being irreplaceable is good? Right?

But then you try to look at the bigger picture, try to be as objective as possible, how do people/company treat people they think is irreplaceable? They try to make them happy.

I understand that yall got bosses, unless you own the shit, you got bosses above you.

So instead of anger - okay, I got angry a little bit - I've come to the point of acceptance, that in it contains understanding, and disappointment.

I have a certain way I want to live my life.

And I've come to accept that I can not have the life I want if I stay there, so I move here.

No hard feelings on me, just relieved.

And really, wishing them the very best of luck

Separate Seasons

It's exactly 7.30 PM right now, in my desk, listening to Spies by Coldplay - Parachutes is their best album, fight me - just sitting, with Line App open on my desktop, and waiting for traffic to disperse and my phone to have enough battery for me to listen to Spotify on my ride home.

To be perfectly honest, I don't know what to write, but I think I need to write, about something, anything.

So let's start with this.

I'm a bit down lately, a bit more neurotic, reactive, too much whining, too tired to even sleep well, there's just so many things in my mind lately.

So people might not enjoy being around me as much.

But the cute barista in my office building's Starbucks knows my name now, at least that's something, I mean I have yellow hair, and I buy too much Starbucks for my liking because I got my THR, so yeah, it's normal she'll recognize me enough to know my name, I should try using her name, sometimes. But she spelled it wrong so there's that. 

And I bought PS4, then I remember why I enjoy playing video games so much, I remember just spending hours trying to beat a game.

And my friend just asked, "so hows *insert the girl's name*"

Then I answer with a rant of how I feel that how I see life is too out there for society's standard that makes me not a good candidate for marriage. Like how I feel that renting a house - as long as it's still on a budget - is far more financially responsible compared to buying a house, because when you rent, if the house goes shit, it's the landlord's responsibility, if it's your own house, well, it's your own house.

Sure, its value increase as it goes, but so does other houses, it's not like you can sell your house and buy a better house, it's more likely the other way around.

And paying a mortgage for 15 fucking years just seems bleak to me.

I yearn to live in a city where the pace is slow, the traffic is humane, and it's not like I'd experience it because the mass transportation is so well maintained I don't particularly need a car, but might buy a sports bike just because.

I don't particularly want a high position in my work, I just need the work for the money, I don't want extra responsibility, especially if other people's mistake is somehow becoming my responsibility.

If suddenly my dad got rich as fuck by selling my grandad's old house, I'll probably stop working, deposit my share and live from it, hire some financial adviser to help me invest.

It's not like I don't have an ambition, it's just that my ambition is not particularly high-paying, or even financially rewarding.

I would love to be a librarian or a bookstore owner.

I would love to ride a motorbike across Indonesia, not shaving my hair while doing it.

I would love to go to get any degree I can get for the rest of my life.

"If money is not a concern, what would you do?", is probably the questions that I go back times and times again when in need.

Circumstances affect choices, financial circumstances is probably one of the biggest factors why people stay at a shit job they don't hate but not particularly love either, just because they need the money.

To be honest, socio-economic is the factor I hate the most when talking about people, I'd love to write a paper about it.

I've seen people quit their dream because of it, I've seen people together grow apart because of it, so yeah, I hated it.