HUAYAHKONOH

Thanks to my Spotify daily mix being a fucking jerk and I took the wrong panadol, let's get galau.

Can woman and a man be just friends? In general, I don't know, but if it's me, of course you fucking can.

Thanks to my not so great love life and wrongly took kindness as flirting, I set my brain to assume any kind of kindness is just that: a kindness.

The result? You can put "effortlessly single for 8 years" in there. I mean, it's hard to get the clue - if there are ANY girl that into me and give me all sorts of clue, I'm being generous with myself here - when the clue ladies gave to a dude that interests her ranging from quick glances to just moderate kindness and small talk, I mean I do that all the time.

In one day I usually have my eyes meet with at least 5 person, mas2 Ayam bakar termasuk.

And I think sometimes I want it to be just that, kindness, and proving to myself that nobody likes me, self fulfilling prophecy.

I mean I notice that ladies play with their hair if they notice they're being noticed by someone they think is attractive enough, but then again it could be they just want to fix their hair.

Summary: I always think that live is a game with many side missions, different endings, and no manuals, and unfortunately, side mission of dating is a mission that I am sucked at.

But but, let me being honest here, there is this one girl that always makes me look at her. She's not visually great, I think, but I can't help to glance at her everytime I see her in the office. 

But then being mentally slightly fucked up doesn't help with self esteem

Shit happens part 351

Life sucks, not in the way you think it is, but it is suck.

I have so much question about people, and despite know the why's, I still don't get it.

Understand?

Knowing is not equal to understanding, I guess.

I mean I know why people let's say obsessed with their Instagram likes to the point where they hired a cheap photographer to document their less than interesting life. But I don't get it.

Why?

I mean there are few hypothesis, a good dose narcissism, or just the fact that human are social being and sharing your latest vacation is a thing since the 90s, but Internet overexposed us with it, or just people plain having fun.

But then again the effort some people took for their social media is mind boggling.

Relative to them I'm a noob, a good angle and good contrast is enough for me.

I don't get it, why?

But then again there are not many people that get me, few of my friends could guess few things about me, but almost always miss the core.

This is me being emo.

I'll publish this post and go back being functional adult

FEBRUARI AJA SOB

FEBRUARI AJA SOB

things i miss about being jobless:

The sleepless night.

Begadang itu epitomi perlawanan, semua pemberontakan direncakan tengah malam, bukan sore-sore sambil ngelamun. Diskusi yang ndalem dan njelumit itu selalu kejadian diatas jam 11 malam, bukan siang sambil makan soto betawi. Inspirasi selalu lahir dini hari, ketika kebisingan hari sudah tidak terdengar lagi.

Ketika orang-orang kebanyakan sudah tidur karena sibuk dengan kewajiban sehari-hari, orang-orang terpilih akan tetap terbangun entah mimpi apa, yang kemudian mimpi itu dipegang erat-erat tanpa bilang ke siapa-siapa, jadi janji yang paling sulit dipenuhi: Janji sama diri sendiri.

Sudah tak terasa sudah 6 kali gajian ditempat kerja sekarang, artinya sudah 6 bulan kerja, setengah tahun, lewat begitu saja. Is there any differences between me now and me from 6 months ago? probably yes, but not that much. In fact, working and interacting with people on daily basis hanya mengukuhkan niat saya untuk financially independent by the time i'm 40 dan pensiun dini setelahnya.

Malem-malem begini lah lagunya Landon Pigg yang Falling in Love in The Coffee Shop punya efek berlipat ganda terhadap kondisi emosionil saya: alias bikin mellow.