オルフェンズの涙

few of my friends are getting married, and more friends of my friends that i don't know personally but know their private life thanks to internet, are getting married too.

at least, now, i don't understand why people get married, really. other than all of those legal and social side of it, i don't see what marriage will bring to my life, personally. actually, what i'm having a hard time to understand is how? how do you know that she/he's the one?

the majority probably will answer with, "i just know, it feels right"

well, i guess deciding about getting married is not even about logic anymore, you don't do that SWOT analysis, the strength, weakness, opportunity and threats?

this is coming from a dude that spent weeks to months researching about what football boots to buy, or whether calling McDonalds is efficient when compared to fried eggs and corned beef with rice, and thinking wristwatch is unnecessary because every goddamn phone have a watch nowadays.

but i guess this is just my concern, or probably many others, but they don't really dare to question it.

seriously, how do you guys really knows it? do you calculate the risks? do you really just feels "s/he's the one" on one random night after watching Love, Rosie? - Lily Collins will be the death of me by the way.

i guess i'm just shit at human interaction.

13 weeks

13 weeks.

that's the duration of my stay in gowa.

so what? no. this is not about the duration, this about everything but the duration. if i stayed for 13 weeks in hotel, that would be fine. i'm having a trouble believing all that 13 weeks because how absurd, how out of comfort zone that 13 weeks are.

how the hell did i survive that 13 weeks, i'll never know.

i slept in shit bed. by shit bed, i mean really shitty bed. i came to believe that the bed was made out of some sort magic substance, the bed got thinner and thinner everyday, by the time i'm coming home, it was pratically a carpet.

i lived in a shit house, it's not even a house, it's house-store, aka rumah toko aka ruko. we don't have garbage man, we had to collect it ourselves and burnt it once a week.

i woke up at 8 WITA every fucking day, not because i'm a morning person, but because there are flies everywhere, thanks to those garbage.

i ate indomie almost every morning, because nobody could cook, and nobody were selling a fucking breakfast near us. i ate indomie so much i hate it. this me we're talking about, i ate six indomie a day in highschool, record high.

i got thypus for fuck's sake.

but then we got the job done, stayed in a decent hotel for the last night before we went home.

now i'm at home, sitting in my room, in my decent bed, air con turned on, unlimited internet, wondering how the hell did i survive that.

it really feels like a dream, all those days, those people, those crazy schedule and work hours.

fucking hell mate.

Perihal lagu mbak Isyana yang Keep Being You.

lagu ini enak banget, liriknya simple ditambah choice of words yang oke - setelah semalem karaokean peterpan yang liriknya "dan aku khilafku", maksudnya apa sih - ya iyalah, si mbak kuliah di tanah Lee Kuan Yew sana.

seriusan lagu ini ngingetin indahnya waktu lagi kasmaran.

"udah kamu ga perlu berubah buat aku"

lalu negara api menyerang.

lalu ketauan kalo si dia jarang mandi, atau hobi menyepelekan masalah - entah masalah itu layak disepelekan atau tidak, ya itu masalah lain toh - dan habit tetek bengek lainnya.

lalu mantra "keep being you" ndak laku lagi.

it says a lot about the writer of this song, and it says a whole fucking lot about me.

but i put it on repeat nonetheless, karena saya kurang piknik, karena saya masih butuh diingatkan kalau diluar sana - mungkin - masih ada yang memegang teguh mantra ini. karena terakhir saya beneran kasmaran sampe ga bisa tidur itu 5 tahun lalu, karena terakhir kali saya mikir saya mau cari pasangan hidup itu - mungkin - 2 tahun lalu. it feels good to feel something, whatever that is.

now after 3 fucking months in broadband-less land, i'll spend today scouring reddit like crazy.