nestapa

Waktu dulu, waktu jaman kuda gigit besi, temen gw tengah malem ngirimin lagu White Shoes and The Couples Company yang Roman Ketiga, sambil disertai pesan yang kurang lebih intinya, "punya kisah cinta itu tiga kali aja nik".

Youth is a beautiful thing, isn't it?

Waktu itu, 17 tahun, sadar bahwa it'll take more than one relationship to find "it" sudah mbuat abdi merasa dewasa sekali.

9 tahun kemudian, roman kedua saya saja belum mulai, dan jika hitungan saya tepat, yang ngasih lagu juga udah lewat roman ketiga-nya, yah nama-nya masih muda, masih optimis.

Inti dari pesan malam ini adalah; merencanakan boleh, romantisasi sebuah ide yang bahaya.

Ya boleh saja toh, mau-nya cuma menikah sekali, saint seiya sekata, tapi jangan jatuh cinta pada ide menikah - atau ide2 lainnya, tapi karena ini ada hubungannya dengan romansa, jadi sample-nya nikah - sehingga ketika ada yang salah dengan pernikahan, tidak rela melepasnya gitu.

Intinya saya melankolis karena iPod lama saya masih hidup, dan seperti mesin waktu, top25 most played songs-nya belum berubah dari 7-8 tahun yang lalu.

HUENSHIN

I've heard/read somewhere that you should buy/do things you really want when you were 15 years old.

And for me that makes a lot of sense.

When you put things into that your 15 years old self bucket list, things started to make sense.

And this could be anything, fucking anything.

Of course, financial conditions must be taken into account.

And for me personally, one of the things on my list will come true next months: Owning a fairing sport bike.

Honda CBR 150 R

Beautiful.

I admit, i will buy it on instalment, yes, it's only 150 cc, but hey, it's a step on a right direction - to be a Kamen Rider - and because the other thing on my bucket list is either Subaru Impreza WRX-STI or a Lancer Evo X, which i still can't afford, and god knows when i can afford it, so it makes sense to me to start with this.

and with this i throw myself to the third level of financial adulthood: paying monthly instalments of a vehicle, the first level was having my own money, second was NPWP.

And while we're on this topic, i want to talk about human relationships with their vehicle, some people really love their vehicle and not only as a means to go from point A to B, but it's already 5AM and I need sleep

Now I need red scarf and Rider logo to be put on my bike.

HUAYAHKONOH

Thanks to my Spotify daily mix being a fucking jerk and I took the wrong panadol, let's get galau.

Can woman and a man be just friends? In general, I don't know, but if it's me, of course you fucking can.

Thanks to my not so great love life and wrongly took kindness as flirting, I set my brain to assume any kind of kindness is just that: a kindness.

The result? You can put "effortlessly single for 8 years" in there. I mean, it's hard to get the clue - if there are ANY girl that into me and give me all sorts of clue, I'm being generous with myself here - when the clue ladies gave to a dude that interests her ranging from quick glances to just moderate kindness and small talk, I mean I do that all the time.

In one day I usually have my eyes meet with at least 5 person, mas2 Ayam bakar termasuk.

And I think sometimes I want it to be just that, kindness, and proving to myself that nobody likes me, self fulfilling prophecy.

I mean I notice that ladies play with their hair if they notice they're being noticed by someone they think is attractive enough, but then again it could be they just want to fix their hair.

Summary: I always think that live is a game with many side missions, different endings, and no manuals, and unfortunately, side mission of dating is a mission that I am sucked at.

But but, let me being honest here, there is this one girl that always makes me look at her. She's not visually great, I think, but I can't help to glance at her everytime I see her in the office. 

But then being mentally slightly fucked up doesn't help with self esteem