so sad so sad

I just realized I never heard her laugh uncontrollably.

That I don't know how she have fun, the 9 months we were together it was always concern after concern after concern. 

I don't know anything about her other than where she works, who her friends and family are, and what she's going through.

No wonder I'm not as sad as people think I should be, there weren't any connections made. 

There's not a single thing that is so unapologetically her that makes me miss our time together.

Being with her means I have to entertain her, as if I'm a trickster serving a king. (not really, just want to be unnecessarily using fancy comparison). 

I don't know her favourite songs, I don't know whether she has had the experience of being so moved by art to the point of crying. 

So no wonder I don't feel like I lost something of value, it's because I didn't gain any. 

uwowk

Maybe it wasn't that lightly. 

Maybe it was too early, too quick, too pushy, the idea of having a girlfriend clouded my judgement.

Well I learnt something

Will try to list a few, and update this post whenever I remember something. 

A relationship can not survive differences in maturity. This is more than age-gap, this is about time taken by each individual to proactively learning about themselves, a psychologically aware life. It's a continuous learning, but the act should be there, taken deliberately. 

Certain degrees of difference can be tolerated, if it's too much, the mature one in the relationship will be the support and the other will enjoy the fact that they have support and take it for granted. 

But the support also have their own problems, you can't give when you have nothing left to give. 

Knowing what you want is important, and nothing that is inherently positive or negative about most wants, some wants a good fuck, some wants financial stability, some wants good conversation, lucky people can get their multiple wants from their SO, most compromises. 

But knowing what you don't really want is the most important, I find that I want a person that can function alone, and choose me because I add something to their life. But knowing that if and when I'm not there due to other circumstances, she can survive on her own. 

A hobby is a must, still relates to prior points, having a hobby no matter how small means they have something they love unconditionally. 

Also, healthy body weight, because I don't want my partner to develop illness. 

It's okay not having long term target, because more often than not, it's healthier to have small achievable short term target than big long term target. 

Losing 1 KG a week is less intimidating than losing 15kgs.