Keep being uncomfortable, be comfortable with the uncomfortable, to the point of enjoying it, keep doing it until it's natural, until your nerve system automates it.
Now this is mostly about forming relationships, not just that kind of relationship, any human relationship.
Sebagian besar relasi saya itu dipaksa kondisi, teman sekelas, teman sekelompok, teman sekantor. Relasi yang begini biasanya natural, ga ada timeline. Aturannya jadi berubah kalo ngomongin relasi yang itu.
Ada yang punya aturan kalo pdkt sebulan harus ada kejelasan, ada yang bilang udah ga perlu perjelas status, banyak aturan dan juga banyak non-aturan, aturan yang dipresentasikan seolah bukan aturan.
Buat saya yang simpleton to the point of too simple - background hape saya hitam polos - yang begini itu terlalu ribet, terlalu tidak nyaman, jadi selama ini saya sok Sherlock, believing that I'm not made for this kind of relationship.
But none of us are made for it, it's a mess, human are messy, the other side is as uncomfortable as me. Some are better prepared due to multiple factors, I am just not, at least relative to my age.
One reason is me thinking that I'm in survival mode - this was a fact - but training myself in regards of forming a relationship is still a necessity, it might even help. But I suck at multitasking.
It's the most and the least serious thing in life.
I can't be anyone else other than myself, and my skill and I'm good at conversations, I'm a good listener, a thoughtful replier. I like kamen rider, but I also like Richard Linklater's films. I am insecure yet believe I can beat God if I want to.
All of these things are me.
The only thing I can do is be myself to the point of abandon.
It's been less than a week bro, take the time, turn off the notifications. Live your life normally, adjust accordingly, enjoy the chaos.
Relinquish the need to control, it's never in your control.
Be gentle, like holding a baby - thank god I know how it felt like - you have to have firm structure yet soft touch, strong so the baby does not fall, yet gentle so the baby does not hurt.
The other side is betting the same thing - their feelings - treat it with the utmost respect.
Put effort but also let things flow, like trapping that pass with you feet.
