bala

The perks of having birthday in November is that I will spend most of 2021 as a 29 year old.

But I'll hit 30 this year nonetheless. 

If the transitions between teens and 20s was huge, like huuuge, the life of let's say 17 year olds would be significantly different than 22 year olds. In the span of 5 years you could go from a teen to a legal adult. 

In that phase, there are a lot of things you unlock just by being that age. When you hit 17 you suddenly unlocked ability to vote and have driver license, by 21 you're legally adult and can drink alcohol, if you go to 4 year university at 18 and finish it on time, by 22 you'd be working with people significantly older than you. 

The 20s tho, you won't unlock shit just because you hit certain age, it all depends on mostly luck and hard work, and life choice.

My teens-20s transition is a bit different than most, I went to college a year late, I started at 19, and I graduated a year late, so at 24. It took me 6 years from high school graduate to university graduate. Did it help me? In terms of my readiness of going into the workforce? Maybe. I'm not as naive as 22 year old, but still have the eagerness of early 20s person.

And to be perfectly fucking honest, my life between 23 to 25 was a blur, my family's economic condition is not at its best, so I went to survival mode, my objective was to earn money. I got the job, then my focus in the first year of my job was just getting good at it and learn as much as possible.

It didn't cross my mind in the slightest that I need to feel needed by my company, I did not care, my focus is myself. Then the galon crush happened. 

In hindsight, it was a good thing, it broke my survival mode, so I started being more open with other people, I reached out to old friends, etc. 

I must say my 26-27th year was some of the best, well there were shit that happened but it's mostly great.

I almost reach 28 and I decided I need to earn more money, so I moved jobs. I got slightly more money with less responsibility. 

Then I got my current job, with significantly more money and more responsibilities but less mundane task, perfect. 

Then I arrived at 30, later this year. 

I started my 20s as university student with 2.3 GPA, trying to reach at least 2.75 when I graduate, and graduated with 2.95, and I'll end it as a Senior Manager in a huge company and a car payment (and already finished motorbike payment). 

Hit 89 kilos at heaviest and managed to drop it down to 74-75 range in 9 months was crazzyyy. 

In 10 years I transformed from a child that needs his parents support to supporting his parents.

Now in hindsight, I did pretty good for myself. 

uwu

I think last month, or 2 months ago, I interviewed a candidate for my team, 2 candidates to be exact.

I saw their CVs, both are slightly older than me, early 91 adult while I am late 91s, both are already married, both have 2 children.

While I am still single, not just single as in not married, but like single, I don't even have any crush right now. 

To the outside world, I might look like just another commitment-phobic adult male, or selfish childish adult millennial avoiding responsibility. 

I can accept the former, because I kinda hate commitment, ask my coworker, in every single problem I need to solve I just gave them options complete with pros and cons of each option, then I ask them to choose. See, I am not committing anything, the decision is not on me.

Now I am a team lead at my work, there are times where I have to make decision and commit to it, I'll do the same as before - gave them pros and cons of my choice etc - and do it, most of the time it's all good - I am rarely wrong - but even when shit goes bad, I already put it on my list of cons, they should now.

But if there is someone criticising me of avoiding responsibility, I'll overload them with my sad story, because right fucking now I'm the breadwinner of my family, my paycheck is not mine alone, so when people see relationship as a good thing, I see it as an added unnecessary responsibility. 

Yes, relationship is a responsibility, I have to do certain things to keep the relationship going, people fight because text not being replied ffs. 

I haven't buy any big purchase for myself, I mean you can count CBR150R as a big purchase, but the fact that after earning quite a lot I still can buy nice things for myself is fucking telling. 

2021

sad news, I can't have the Predator Absolute remake because apparently ProDirectSoccer probably got their orders cut by Adidas? or because they decided to flag my account for fraud and I have to give them confirmation means I'm not in the queue? Who knows.

So bye-bye Adidas Predator Absolute Remake.

Good news, well, not good news, the predator absolute remake is crazy expensive, not getting it means I have my money back.

other news

I started running, I suck, my stamina still sucks, it's probably worse compared to let's say February 2020 when I play football every 2 weeks, and I walked a lot, and I climbed stairs a lot. I started on January 1st, it's not an everyday thing, I already missed 2 days, one due to rain, I don't have the fancy waterproof jacket yet, the other one due to my knees aching, so I listen to my body because it probably needs some good rest.

It's fucking hard, it's mostly boring, I mean it's running, but somehow I liked it, I like the fact that I get my body moving again, I'm sweating like a pig while trying to catch a breath.

why I started running? well to lose weight at first, but as I ran, I see on the app that I clocked 9 kilometers since January 1st, that's 9k more than most people, and I enjoy finding little things to improve my running, the form, the gait, the pace management, the type of running, etc.

I don't know when I can play football again, it's too much of a risk, it's possible that the last time I played football was when I was 28 and the next time I play football will be when I am 30, but hopefully, we can start again on mid-2021, I mean it's an open space sport, less risk compared to indoor sports.

Stupid shit, I bought cheap football boots just because the color is cool.