The definition of entropy from Physics world is below
"a thermodynamic quantity representing the unavailability of a system's thermal energy for conversion into mechanical work, often interpreted as the degree of disorder or randomness in the system"
But I'm more interested in this definition
"lack of order or predictability; gradual decline into disorder."
My brother use entropy to describe our family condition.
It's pretty abstract concept, but basically, entropy is a measure of uncertainty and randomness.
We can try to fix things, relationships, phones, cars, but as things got older, entropy increases.
Entropy is either constant or increases but it never decreases. Fixing things will only delay entropy, but it'll happen anyway.
Sure Toyota build reliable cars that can survive 250k kilometers, but as it got older and worn out, it'll get harder to fix, at some point, it'll be cheaper to throw it out altogether.
So that's what probably happened with my family, we try to save it, all of us, but maybe, as times goes by, it accumulate issues, and it might be healthier for us to break it up.
It fucking sucks, deep down I probably want to keep it, I don't know why.
The most possible reason is that it comforts me, there are five of us and a dog, that whatever happened in life, at the end of the day there would be a 5 of us and a dog at home.
But then I take another look, I don't want to spend the rest of my life treading the water to only keep entropy constant, because we can't decrease it. It put pressure on all of us.
I am pretty good at letting go, I don't really get attached to someone/something other than my dog, but I guess that it's really close to it being reality - the break up of my family - I find it hard to let it go, again for selfish reason, and I guess letting go something that's the only constant in my almost 30 years of life is never easy.
What's funny is that at around the same time, my dog is closer to his entropy. We can bring him to vet for physiotherapy, but it'll only delay his inevitable death.
2022 might be the worst year in my life.
