Easy Way Out.

mau usaha kayak apa juga, ga ada ceritanya saya bisa tidur cepat.

funny thing is, i'm no longer jobless, i work 10AM - 6PM every fucking day, but the moment i got home, no matter how tired i was at the office, i feel energized as soon as i open the laptop and scouring the internet.

i have nothing against my job, really, enjoy it very much especially after i got thee gist of it, the rhythm, after i biologically make it a routine, everything going well. maybe this is the introvert in me, there's nothing more energizing than being alone, reading random shit on the internet and ends up with existential crisis at 11PM right before i go to sleep.

like i said last year, having a job gave you no time for new knowledge, you spent probably 12 hours a day thinking about your job, another 6 about basic day to day life like whether i can save enough money for my kids school admission, or will you get that sex your wife promised you last week, and if you're lucky, 6 hours of sleep.

you have no time to learn that you can think religion is stupid, but what the religious people feel about their religion is real, as real as my feeling towards toyota 86.

you have no time to think that maybe, just maybe, there's no definitive superman.

then you ask why are people so religious, because it's damn easier just reading one book and made that you moral compass, instead of starting tabula rasa, reading thousands of books and create your own sets of morality.

it's the easy way out.

now seeing all this mumbo jumbo about December 2nd Protest in Jakarta, and to some extend Donald Trump, Senator Finch's word from batman v superman rings truer than ever, that democracy is a discussion, we talk to each other, but then again discussion is 2 way communication, won't matter much when one side is screaming one thing, the other screaming another.

no i need to allocate time on my weekend to watch batman v superman.

Richard Sanderson - Reality

another year, another friends are getting married - two in as many months! - and hopefully i can attend both, because both are very dear to me, and i only attend my close friend's marriage, sekedar satu angkatan or friend of a friend won't cut it.

one thing i realized from my friend and work colleague, their marriage days is not all shits and bubbles, most of them about sharing responsibility, who do what tonight, etc. one of my friends had to delay his honeymoon because his company is a shithole of a company with only 12 vacation days, and he is not a particularly rich guy so they have to buy the cheapest tickets available.

i need to go out more, because right now i'm in a echo chamber of upper middle class, those who after wedding reception on saturday, already on a plane to their honeymoon vacation on sunday morning, and not a cheap location either.

or can already afford a home/apartment the next week after their reception.

because admit it, people won't share their home after marriage if their home is 5x5 kostan in the middle of south jakarta.

the reality is not like that, lots of them have to stay with their parents.

i mean it's obvious as fucks, and why the fuck i just realized it now.

but either way, to get to that stage - marriage, duh - one have to have  significant other first, and before that, liking someone, and this i have not feel since 2009-2010 season - bola kali coy.

banyak sebenarnya yg bertanya kok saya tidak membuat effort untuk mencari pasangan, dan biasanya saya balas dengan argument whether it is cost effective and financially responsible for me to date with my current salary and current job, and at what point a date is turning from something fun to something of an investment.

i mean yes, majority of females doesn't need din tai fung for dinner, but just going to date could cost me at least 300k from gasoline to parking to food, and that's we're splitting the bills.

like i said in my previous post, i entered college with vigor and optimism of a teenage, and went out with jadedness of an adult. i'm not avoiding relationship and commitment, but i'm not actively seeking either, too busy with my own world, i mean is there any women out there wants to watch Planet Earth II on weekend and enjoying the soothing voice of Sir David Attenborough?

i mean, where do these people find time AND person for this relationship thingy? i wake up at 7, go to work at 8, arrive at 9, work till 6 but went home at 7 because fuck traffic, arrive at 8, dinner - bath - checking news and twitter - until 10, then go to sleep.

WHERE AND WHEN BROH, WHERE AND WHEN?

weekend? fuck i'm not going out every weekend when i already out from Mon to Fri.

i guess my mindset is wrong.

maybe i should use tinder.

or maybe i'll end up single and driving a nice car at 30s because i don't have a family to worry about.

Half-Hiatus, Probably.

i'm going to take half-hiatus from social media bar twitter, because twitter is awesome, where you share your thoughts instead of you hedonistic consumption of capitalism - well, you could argue that you could still share your hedonistic consumption on twitter, you're a minority in that, because twitter is text-based social media.

i guess i just got to that point, to the point of actually feeling sick opening instagram and path.

unfunny memes, misleading hoax, and most of the time, your highly censored life.

i mean, you wouldn't share the fact that now you're currently drinking coffee, but instead of starbucks, it's luwak white coffee, aka the best coffee in the whole alfamart.

to be perfectly honest, i don't know why this thing bothers me so much, maybe there's a bit of envy - i mean i'm working 9-5 while some of my friends are pursuing their dream while travelling in europe - maybe it's just a problem of oversharing pointless stuff.

i mean you don't have to record yourself having a chat with your friends on snapchat. i mean there's your friends right there, in front of your face, and you chose to record that and share it to the world, and for what?

because i've never, for a second, thought about recording my hangouts with my friends, because i actually enjoy having my friends with me, and there's no point of sharing that with the world, who probably couldn't care less about me.

i mean taking a picture while you're at senayan city? it's fucking senayan city, i understand if it's in the middle of amstedam centraal, or at any other touristy spots, but a fucking mall? are you fucking kidding me.

maybe probably because what i deem fun - my hobbies - are not necessarily a cool hobbies.

i mean i understand if you're sharing something worth sharing.

i understand sharing you're having a vacation.

i understand sharing your life changing events, and as much as i hate marriage institution, it's perfectly acceptable to share your marriage photos.

kids, well, not once a day, i don't want to know - most people don't want to know - and your children is not as cute as you think they are.

a meeting with friends after a long time, an actual event instead of you routine twice a week meetups with your circle.

but please not selfies, you're not velove vexia, which after following her for a month, i even got sick of her face, and she is beautiful.

please not stupid vaping photos, i get it, i know it, you fucking vape, get fucking over it.

tl, dr; i'm tired, i'm sick of it, i'm sick of seeing your censored life when probably your real day to day life is not that good.

i think i'll reinstate instagram sooner, because hashtags means you can share your hobby with likeminded people, because admit it, you add people on path because you know them personally and rejecting their friends request is rude, and admit it, most of your friends, are your friends, because you happen to go to the same school/college/kosan/office with them rather than actually finding them interesting.

so there's that, i'm tired.

Soal Yuyun dan Prasangka saya.

Singkat cerita, kemarin saya habis benerin handphone di ITC, handphone yang harga barunya sekarang 1,5juta, dan harga servis resmi LCD + touchscreen-nya 1,2jt, brengsek memang.

Di tempat saya benerin handphone, ada mbak-mbak yang jaga, dari hasil nguping pembicaraan para staff, saya akhirnya tahu nama si mbak ini yuyun. Kalau ada pertanyaan kenapa mbak yuyun ini menarik perhatian saya, alasan utama tentu saja karena dia manis, dan jujur saja jauh lebih manis daripada banyak selebriti sosial media yang akui saja lah, enak dilihat karena ada biaya perawatan.

Selama menunggu handphone selesai saya berusaha menerawang siapa sih mbak yuyun ini, karena banyak sekali identitas yang mungkin dia pegang. dia bisa saja cuma pegawai biasa, dibayar sesuai UMR, dan hanya bertugas untuk berteriak, "AYO KAKAK APA YANG DICARI TANYA AJA", dan menawarkan minum dan cemilan untuk tamu yang akhirnya melipir ke kios yang dia jaga. *for the record, i'm not one of them, waktu saya nanya soal henpon, yang jaga mas2 dengan perawakan indonesia cendrung ke India tamil, si mbak nya lagi makan siang*

dia bisa saja anak yang punya, yang artinya ada kemungkinan uang di rekening bank dia lebih banyak dari saya, despite she's working at a cellphone service center, and me having a relatively more respectable job, at an Agency.

Lalu hal ini jadi pikiran selama di perjalanan pulang naik Transjakarta, ditengah rintik gerimis romantis yang kalau saja saya punya earphone yang bekerja dengan baik, pasti saya sudah mellow mampus dengerin playlist "hercules pun menangis" yang saya bikin jaman galau-udah-mau-skripsi-tapi-minim-cerita-cinta.

Pertanyaan mulai dari yang paling sampah, "is it socially acceptable that me, a Bachelor of Social Studies at one of the most expensive private university in Indonesia, now working at a fairly hip workplace with hip people, dating her, and cellphone service center clerk, who have the possibility to be the owner, but a cellphone service center owner nonetheless.

what i imagine dating her is everything i want from relationship, less mall, more ITC - because admit it, there's more to it than meet the eye on ITC - with occasional HokBen dinner with extra mayo.

pertanyaan kedua, fakta bahwa saya punya pemikiran, "kalo bener, out of sheer miracles, naracap sama dia, gimana ceritanya? tentu saja saya bisa - dan dengan senang hati - nyamperin dia ke ITC buat sekedar ngobrol2 lucu, tapi taun lalu saya ilfeel sama one of the most unique woman i've ever encountered in my life karena dia ngetik-nya "lu" instead of "lo", petty as fuck.

maybe i'm not as deep as i think i am.

That's Life

i finally feel it, being an adult.

it's when 30% of your work colleagues are married, with 10% are looking to buy a house, and when a whooping 70% of them are either in relationship, or still in dating phase, or pdkt if you're indonesian.

kalo kata Michael Buble, That's Life

Beautiful World

Suddenly i felt the need to write something, anything, then i decide i'll write anything that has been on my mind for the past few weeks.

*it's opsional, but i recommend reading this post with this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uuMNmHdr0Lg

1. My love-hate relationship with Evangelion Series.

In case you don't know, Evangelion series is probably one of the most fucked, yet awesome mecha anime in this entire world. I don't even know how to describe Eva to ordinary anime-muggle other than it's beautiful too look at.

Some says evangelion is the deconstruction of mecha genre. One prominent example is that in most - and by most, i mean 99,9% of them - mecha anime, the pilot is always ordinary kid put forcefully into an ongoing war, and that kid happened to be very good at it, and loving it. Evangelion turned that trope the other way around: The main pilot is whiny and scared 14 years old teen, which actually how ordinary 14 years old would react to suddenly having to pilot 30 meters plus mecha to fight against an alien.

People hated it.

I mean that's just the surface, I mean i could go on how The Rebuild of Evangelion - some sort of reboot by the creator, Hideaki Anno himself, free from budget strains and studio interference - is just the series resetting after the series ending, and how the title - 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, then 3.0-1.0 means that the universe will reset again, or how those numbers actually means a version, like an operating system: 1.0 Movie is just  remaster of the TV series frame by frame, 2.0 feels a lot like romcom, with a lot of ecchi fanservice, which how some people see Evangelion, and 3.0 is just Anno deconstructing the genre even further.

I hate how evangelion makes me feels, part sorrow part "holy fuck this some good shit", I mean some part of eva can really get disturbing, like shinji masturbating in front of Asuka's unconscious body.

But i just can't help being attracted to it.

2. I guess I kinda understand now how some people are ignorant.

it's hard to let new idea and value into your brain when you have to work 9 to 5, rushing through the traffic to earn  sometimes less than enough paycheck relative to the investments - school, cloths, certification - you made. You cling into what you know, whatever that is, you don't have the time to "update" your value, because the last time you care about the world other than yourself and those bills to cover was 15 years ago. They don't even read books outside their field, I mean I now spend my free time reading how to advertise, while few months ago i was reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

And relative to others, i have it easy, I still live with my parents, i only have to chip in a little to all the bills that exist in this world, imagine living alone: electricity, the mortgage, your car payment, make sure you look at least decent because contrary to your idealistic believe, people do care about the cover, I mean, you realize that's exactly why we have this industry called fashion.

so in a way, i can't blame them if my 60 years old uncle hates Chinese-Indonesian people, because the last time he really interact with them without some sort of prejudice was probably 30 years ago, and me? east asian people are my weak spots.

3. I don't know what to listen anymore.

10 years ago, i could go to prambors and every once in a while, they play a really good song from a really small band in the midst of hoobastank, system of a down, and savage garden. and even the top 40 songs are different from each other. and now everything sounds the same.

and this is not feeling speaking, songs have been gradually getting more uniformed as the time goes one, and understandably so. I mean making a music is an investment, and an expensive one at that, so again, it is very understandable that the producer wants less risk and more profit, that's how you got all this similar songs and *cough*marvel movies after phase 2*cough*

I mean profit itself goes against the very tenet of art, which is to express yourself and hopefully there will be some people that get it. I mean art can be technically and objectively bad, but when all those two are clear - meaning it's objectively and technically okay - the last thing it needs is how it makes you feel when you come into contact with it, if you feel like that this person gets you and you get what they means, you chip in money so that they can create more, if not, then goodbye.

there's no formula in art, leave formula to those guys at MIT.

my solution? i listen to Japanese and Korean song, not limited to but including J-Pop and K-Pop. I mean i don't know what it is, but their songs still got that hook, where you wait one whole minute for the build up then boom, all the feelings are pouring out of your soul.

4. Will I ever fall in love again?

well this is some fucked up question, my psychology-majored sister told me that i should leave it to fate, or randomness, or friends pitying me then setting me up with someone. me myself, i don't know the answer. it's hard to fall in love when you see everything from whether something have a measurable benefit or not, like how it will affect me financially if i went to a date with this girl three times, or how fucked up the conditions for having a kids here in Indonesia. I told my sister that there are only two conditions that i will consider getting married: If my parents suddenly get filthy rich, or when we have free education, free healthcare and good parental benefit from government - give me those 6 months paternal leave baby.

5. I miss playing football

fuck this. i miss the feeling of having the ball on my feet, when i got that first touch right, or when my pass gets to a teammate, and of course, when I score a goal.

i'm now at that point of my life where i don't know what to do with my life.

and my life, i mean my action figure collecting hobby.

there's just so much too choose from, it overwhelms me, and even if i have the money - which i'm not - there's no space as of right now, i don't have extra room just for my stuffs, and my office desk is already cluttered as it is.

when it's all said and done, i think this item probably will be my last action figure purchase.

maybe i'll buy another, maybe not, maybe i'll save some money to buy another.

i need a new TV, and decent headphones, and OnePlus X.

may i'll buy another black jeans, another red jacket, another red sneakers, another red backpack, and 5 identical black giordano basic t-shirts.

envy

i went to one of the most expensive private college in my country, it is a given that i've known few ridiculously rich people, and saw batshit insane rich people.

when i see that batshit insane rich people, sometimes i wonder, is there anything that surprised them anymore? anything they deeply long for?

before you ask how some ordinary middle class like me went to that university, it's a combination of lazy high school days, and wanted to play football weekly for the next 4-5 years, and this is the only university that have that programe. and of course  parents that would do everything for education.

back to my curiosity.

i mean i just started my life, or career, or whatever you want to call it, i'm 25 this november, and there's so fucking much i want to do in life, not all related to money, but it will help.

them? what do they want? getting richer? living aimlessly till death come knocking at their door? 

to be honest, i envy them.

i'm not envying their money per se, i'm just envying their financial security.

i got bored? hopped in a plane, go to a vacation for 2 weeks. normal people can't do that, they're bound to at least only 12 paid vacation days a year, and monthly bills.

but then again at least i have a reason to wake up everyday, i have a goal to achieve, and hopefully i'll be there before 40. 

Bus girl.

i guess, the beauty of using mass transportation is that every once in a while, you see a creature so beautiful, the cynics in you wonder why the hell she's using this cheap ass busses. i mean we're all somehow feels beauty made life easier, right?

but fuck that, i'm feeling romantic today.

if anything, it taught me that beauty can be found anywhere. i mean with all these internet shits and giggles, we all think everyone else but us is happy as fuck, that these instagram beauties and handsomes are somehow either born fucking rich, or just happen knows some fashion dude to endorse them, when in fact, if my two weeks of transjakarta-ing  teach me anything, it's the opposite.

you see beautiful people in mass transportation, and that somehow humanize them, it removes all the filters and reduce them for what they really are: a person trying to earn money, to earn a good life,  to survive, and now the world isn't so bad anymore.

and of course, sometimes you fantasize a whole story between you and that person, create personality based on how they present themselves - what they wear, their cadence, their expression. 

that beautiful girl from the bus now probably watching some tv's, texting their loved ones, worrying about bills and rent, and of course their job.

Balada Pokemon GO

one redditor asked a question; why people hate pokemon GO player?

well well well, i'm going to sound a lot like douche, but this is how i feel about this whole pokego bonanza.

people never touched a pokemon in their fucking life, knows nothing about pokemon other than pikachu and mewtwo, suddenly obsessed with pokemon, talking about pokemon all the fucking time. what's infrutiates me, is the fact that these very same people, made fun of my friends who do really like pokemon, and spends like thousands of dollar on pokemon merch.

it's a lot like these comic book movie boom. people who never read a comic book in their life, suddenly have a say about a comic book characters. mind you, the very same people made fun of me because i read comic books.

it's pretty acceptable when older people hates pokemon go, i mean it's not their thing, but when my pokemon nerd hate pokemon go, you know there's something there.

Me and Gee

I've always considered my BiNus chapter of my life as a missing chapter, much like my dating life.

both of them only lasts for 6 months.

but there is one thing i took with me from those filthy Jak-Bar days: my love for Girls Generation, which turns into my admiration for a blessed creature that is SNSD's Sunny.

it couldn't be more random than that day.

we had a College orientation closing ceremony, being the poor university that BiNus is, they rent Jakarta Convention Center for it - wait, does that make BiNus a pretty rich institution isn't it? 

i mean suddenly all your seniors are dancing to this song

now looking back, i was looking forward to it, the college days, full of vigor, drama, and hopefully love. i mean, at that point, i've only been single for like 6 months - now it's the 7th years, if you're wondering about this trivial fact of my life - so i'm still a pretty optimistic kid. i was 18, just got out of college, meeting new friends, it's great right? not to mention in the first week of orientation, the seniors told us to exchange our email address, for our line of communication, then this one cute lady - still remember her name but won't tell, in case she's a nutjob who googles her own name - asked my phone number after i'm done giving my email, i mean she went out of her way to ask for MY number? it's exciting right?

but then shit happens, my major sucks. well, not sucks, it's a long story, i feel i got wronged, but what the hell. so long story short, i leave, i transfer to my one true college. UPH.

now, let me tell you this: it feels different going to college for the first time, and going to college after FAILING your first time. i always consider that 6 months as the first beating that life gave me. you got cynical, you college is not all that exciting, you have to endure it, it's hardwork, i see kids from my year - 2010 - as kids, i mean i'm one year older than you, and at that time, one year means everything, the different between 18 and 17 is massive, while 25 to 29 is not so much,

again looking back, it was a beautiful 4,5 years, with extra semester just to take ONE FUCKING SUBJECT. i met good friends, great friends. 

it consist from fighting because one dude couldn't handle temperature below 20 and the other couldn't handle temperature above 20, to three single dude - three of us been single for like 2-3 years at that point - in the middle of the rain, at midnight, wondering how does it feel to have a girlfriend, how it feels to hold hands, and the first time using aku-kamu instead of gue-elo. i mean other than teh botol overdose, it was pretty normal day, but then again tehbotol does weird things to your brain.

most of the time, my second college life delivers my expectation about college life: shitload of different friends and acquaintance, fucking good times, and buttload of dramas.

the only thing that didn't deliver was love life. college was supposed to be my next raditya dika book, lot's of butterfly in the stomach, and shed load of broken hearts. but somehow, it never occurs, then one day, i just stopped trying.

"there are always be next semester", i thought, but suddenly it already ends, i already in the middle of nowhere of gunung malino in gowa, then suddenly i already have my next job in line. sure there are few flutters here and there, especially that one girl that trigger my brotherly instinct, but it's just that, brotherly instinct. 

maybe it's because i'm not trying, maybe lovelife is a lot like looking for a job, where you throw your CV hail mary pass style to any plausible candidates, and hopefuly one of them call you back. but still the question the remain: do i want that? 

you know what, fuck this.

i was writing with the intention of making fun of that orientation closing ceremony, now i feel hollow as fuck, as hollow as bola plastik merk panda

Gods of Egypt

it's one of those days, where you don't know what to watch despite the facts that there are petabytes of movies out there, downloadable at a single click of a mouse.

then i remember Gods of Egypt, one of the most reviled movie of 2016, up there with BvS and X-Men: Apocalypse, and if i learnt one thing from this year's movie critic's track record: i'll love Gods of Egypt.

and i do love it.

it's a batshit insane atempt to tell the story about Gods, and Egyptian Gods is up there with the Greek's in terms of stupidity and craziness.

a visual feast for my eyes, and a great fucking design, Gods donning Saint Seiya Inspired Armor? take my money brother.

i mean, cmon

the final fight is ripped straight out of your most recent action anime

i kinda understand why this might not work for everybody, just like i understand why evangelion 3.33 is just Hideaki Anno went crazy and not everybody will have the mental capacity - i said mental, because your brain is certainly wouldn't be able to do so - to stomach these.

but hell, imagin what would happened in hollywood if people are not so petty on the internet.

medio 2000

tiba-tiba kangen bener sama lagu-lagu coldplay dari tahun 2000an, dari album parachutes. sekitaran kelas 2-3 SMP ya itu, fucking hell mate.

gara2nya tadi di jalan Coldplay yang Trouble disetel sama 90.4 cosmopolitan FM - peringatan aja sik, cosmpolitan FM saya nobatkan sebagai nostalgia inducing radio untuk angkatan 90an, kalo ga kuat iman bisa mellow di tengah jalan - trus adek gue yang paling kecil nanya, "ini coldplay kan?"

dem son, coldplay berubah banget dari awal keluar sampe orang harus nanya "ini coldplay kan?" 

oh for the record, i'm not against current coldplay, just not my cup of tea, toh saya masih punya parachutes buat di dengarkan.

mumpung saya lagi galau post-sahur, mending nginget medio 2000an.

Dulu SMP saya di Tangerang, SMP 9, direnovasi di tahun ajaran 2004-2005, trus nebeng gedung ke SMA terdekat. cons: sekolah nebeng. pros: sekolah siang, ada radio sekolah yang bisa request bayar ke penyiar 500 perak, mulai lah rangorang norak request lagu kode.

lagu yang berkesan buat saya waktu tuh lagunya Yovie and The Nuno, Inginku Bukan Hanya Jadi Temanmu. bangsat esempe banget ga sik lagunya.

sayang negara api menyerang, saya harus pindah ke jakarta karena kerjaan si bapak. waktu pindahan, theme song nya Ello - Pergi untuk kembali. masuk akal dong, ceritanya ga bakal pindah ke lain hati. *tapi toh ujung2nya pindah juga*

sekarang kalau dilihat kebelakang, dulu bener-bener dari pinggir kota - Tangerang, ke Jakarta cuma kalo lebaran doang - langsung hajar bleh ke Jakarta, sekolah di tebet. culture shock, it took few months to adapt. bener-bener cerita merantau ke kota.

salah satu adaptasi adalah mulai mendengarkan lagu selain lagu indonesia, yang sebenarnya karena terpaksa juga. dulu di tangerang ga punya tv kabel dan internet, jadi sekitaran jam 7-9an ngumpul di kamar bonyok buat ngerjain PR sambil dengerin radio, 107.3, cuma nyetel lagu indonesia selama 3 jam. waktu itu masih kejayaan MTV Ampuh, jawaranya mulai dari senior macem Dewa ato Gigi, "pendatang" macem Sheila on 7 sama Ada Band, ato kelewat obscure macem The Rain dan BRAM, FUCKING BRAM DENGAN MAKNA CINTA.

couldn't be more obscure than that. dulu waktu pertama denger saya kirain orangnya udah toku aliat tua, ternyata botjah.

nah di jakarta tiap pagi dengerinnya dagienk desta, mulai masuk deh lagu-lagu bule, dan yang paling ngena buat saya ya coldplay waktu itu. cuma ada 3 cara buat dengerin coldplay: nunggu di radio sampe botak, beli CD/KASET, ato bluetooth dari temen yang dirumahnya ada speedy dan/atau copy dari CD mp3 5000an.

holy shit resource wise, it was really bad compared to now, i mean i just downloaded Batman v Superman soundtrack in FLAC, at around 2GB total, in a few seconds.

in retrospect tho, it was a decade ago.

in a decade we went from a 1megabit/s for 450rb to 25megabit/s for 850rb. we went from 360p-546p DVD to 4K bluray, a whole generation of console - and it was the biggest jump between console tech wise - and of course the golden days of nokia - menguasai semua kelas dari si supir angkot dengan nokia 8250, gamer dengan N-Gage, dan bussinesman dengan communicator - to golden days of smartphone - different brand for different people.

it's a decade, a decade is a long time. i mean i went from a fairly optimistic and happy person to a fucking cynic with bleak point of view about life.

is there anyway i could review those 10 fucking years and find out where did i go wrong? 

*u**!

i was watching E3 conference, E3 is a conference for huge electronic entertainment company, which is video games basically.

the big 3 were there, sony, microsoft and nintendo, talking about their future project, which is super exciting. future is exciting.

but future is the only thing that is exciting and frightening at the same time, because it is the unknown. future has its pro and con, the pro is of course technological and scientific achievement humanity could achieve, and the con is getting old, and in the end there is death.

getting old is scarier than death, i've come to terms with death. but old, getting old, so old that my body could not keep up with my brain, so old that i couldn't even take a shit without help. while thinking about this, i remember one comment i read on reddit, about older people who once were attractive and active, one sentence struck me hard.

"when i look at my face, i wonder who the hell is that, because inside i still feel 20"

shit isn't that scary? because i'm 25 right now and i still think i'm 20. everytime i read some articles mentioning some actor/athlete's age at 25-27 years old, i still think "oh god they're almost 30", then it came to me that i too am 25 years old.

suddenly time catches up with me. suddenly my friends are getting married, or have a steady relationship, or a steady jobs, some with more money than others, some already bought a house. and i wonder, do they feel 25, or still feel 20 but understand - or accepts, maybe - the fact that they're at the age that people are considered as an adult and have to start to earn a living, even at job they hated. *btw, i'm not encouraging people to love their job, but at least be indifferent about it, if you hate it, it'll eat you*

here i am 25, lurking jobsdb.com everyfucking day while watching AKBingo. 

and job hunting, oh fucking god job fucking hunting. i wish i was born in later centuries, with scandinavian parents. oh how luck plays into someones life.

fuck

fuck

fuck

i said that word so many times in my life it looses its meaning. fuckity fuck. fucking fuck.

sometimes i wonder why the hell i am so timid, i wish i was this crazy dude who can play fucking piano and whenever i feel like shit i create grammy worthy song, basically taylor swift.

fucking taylor swift.

this blog is my escape.

fuck spidey fans.

Saya baru selesai nonton The Amazing Spider-Man, in case kalo lupa, ini yang keluaran tahun 2012, debut Andrew Garfield sebagai Peter.

buat saya pribadi, TASM berhasil membawa unsur-unsur klasik dunia Spider-Man gubahan Stan Lee dan Steve Ditko dan membuatnya relevan sesuai dengan zaman. mulai dari membuat peter dari sekedar nerd kutu buku jadi lebih ke arah seorang outsider, orang yang entah kenapa ga bisa menyatu dengan lingkungannya, karena akui saja lah, jadi science nerd di tahun 2012 itu keren.

kemudian chemistry Gwen-Peter yang ternyata eh ternyata memang pacaran di dunia nyata.

unsurr favorit saya dari TASM adalah kostumnya, menurut saya TASM berhasil membuat saya percaya kalau anak SMA kelas 3 bisa bikin kostum superhero.

it's effective, efficient. ga ada embosed web di kostumnya, yang sebenarnya akui saja lah, hampir ga mungkin anak SMA punya budget untuk spandex plus rubber web. di filmnya sendiri dijelaskan kalau kostum ini dibuat dari spandex untuk competitive skiing yang di cat merah, dan lensa nya berasal dari kacamata yang bisa dibeli di toko-toko.

sebenarnya saya cukup sedih melihat spidey di Civil War kemarin, karena menurut saya TASM dan TASM2 to some extent, punya potensi besar, background Marc Webb yang sutradara film indie juga membantu - fucking (500) Days of Summer is THE shit - membuat interaksi antar karakter begitu natural.

waktu keluar dari bioskop, saya puas banget, it brought something new to superhero genre, dan cukup terkejut melihat respon fandom comicbook - respon general audience positive sekali - yang mencerca film ini habis-habisan, alasannya? kostumnya tidak akurat.

betul, ribuan atau mungkin puluhan ribu fans spidey marah besar cuma karena kostum spidey ga kayak gini:

you know what? fuck those people.

i mean batman alone have gone through what? 9 costume change in the big screen, not to include fucking armored batman, nobody gives a shit. sure people are thankful that finally we have a grey and black batsuit for batfleck, but i've never seen worst fan entitlement than spidey fans.

i mean, see this pics

are you telling me, that that's not spider-man? that suit is distinctly spider-man, it's as spider-man as it could get while also trying to invent something new. every other superhero got different costume for their movie/tv counterpart and nobody gives a flying fuck.

then fast forward to 2016, new spidey costume arrives

it's different but still the same, but it's still not comic accurate, but people lick's MCU's ass for this. oh not to mention now it's made by stark, which is weird, for people who were screaming about keeping shit as close as possible to the source, new spidey costume and it's backgroung is as far as possible from its source.

oh and Civil War CGI is the worst big blockbuster  CGI i have ever seen, TASM series have better CGI and better fight scene, i mean crane scene from TASM and electro fight from TASM is up there, best of CBM scene.

i'm sad i wouldn't be able to see marc webb's full vision for spiderman, and new mary jane, and what fucks me up more is the fact that MCU decided that it's better to have a kid spidey, when the adult one have sooo much potential. why MCU chose kid spidey? i'll never know.

i feel like shit

memory is shit, isn't it?

i just finished binge watching a Japanese Drama called "The Memorandum of Kyoko Okitegami"

the premise is simple: Kyoko Okitegami is a very good detective, her only problem is that everytime she sleeps, her memory resets, makes her forget everything, with her memories prior to the accident remains. she keep notes about who she is in her bodies, from her name, her job, her circumstances, etc.

then there is this dude, Yakusuke, with such a bad luck, everytime there is a case, he is always the number 1 suspect, and he always needs the detective to help him.

you know where this is going right? the man remembers everything, then he fell in love. the detective remembers nothing, so everyday is a new day for her.

bad luck continues, they meet almost everyday, until one day, one case, she sees him differently, she feels she can trust him, then before she gone to sleep, she adds another notes, "i can trust Yakusuke"

now everytime she wakes up, she saw his name, without knowing who he is, and why she put his name there, and everytime she meet him, eventhough it's for the first time, now she's trying to find out why his name is there, and at the end of the day, she decides that it's worth it, she keeps the name.

there's something profound there, isn't that how we form relationships? of course her case is an extreme example, but the basic is there: we don't know the person, after few interactions, we decide that he/she is worth keeping, and every interaction after the decision, we still trying to decide what's their level: is it just colleague? friends? or even lover?

it is our job to try our best, and let others decide.

but she have one advantage: she has no preconceived idea about who he is. she only know his name. our past is the best and worst of our life.

i'm fucking mellow right know, who knows watching a detective/comedy series would remind me of fucking 50 first dates and made me feel like shit.

Everything wrong with review aggregator.

in the midst of BvS rotten tomatoes shitfest, i want to talk about it, about review aggreator sites be it Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic, but especially Rotten Tomatoes.

i always find review aggregator site absurd.

art is a subjective matter, and some piece of art, only get appreciated by the critics and people alike few years - decades, even - after the supposed release dates.

art is an expression of the artist, and to reduce it to a mere number, or worse, a fresh or rotten tomatoes is insulting to the art and to the nuance of the critics itself.

now the question arise, are there such thing as bad art? depends. in painting, Pollock's splash of colour - not that this is a derogatory, merely simplifying Pollock's art to the uninitiated - is regarded in the history of art at the same level as Picasso's Cubist painting. BUT, there are bad cubist painting, and there are good cubist painting, what constitutes a bad or good cubist painting, that i do not know.

the key point is in genre.

you compare classical music to another classical music, what is a good classical music? i have no idea, but it'll be stupid to compare say, Kreisler's Liebesleid to Daft Punk's Something About Us.

now, movie is a weird case for me.

what constitutes a good movie? 

now for me, what constitutes a good movie, technically, is screenplay, acting, editing, sound, cinematography, and story in general. and finally, when the movie successfully to be what it's trying to be.

now a good movie is different than movie that YOU enjoy.  and this is completely subjective. 

my point is, i believe, as a critic, they should review movies - or art, in general - by first and foremost knowing the purpose of the movie, and whether it achieve it or not.

my problems with critics nowadays, it's just that they're more of a reviewer, instead of a critics. they tell their readers whether they like it or not, not the technical aspects of it.

because BvS is the most recent example, i will use it as an example.

most of the criticisms of BvS revolved around whether it was their Superman/batman/wonder woman or not, whether it was "fun", whatever fun means nowadays.

almost nobody talks about actual things, like plot? is it too busy or not, i accept that it is too busy, but it is not stupid and full of plotholes. the editing? it was jumpy, because WB asks snyder to cut 30 minutes of it.

just because BvS is a superhero movie, they compared it to another superhero movies, which is stupid. imagine in the 80s when people read Watchmen for the first time, and compared it to previous superhero comics before it, and said it was not fun.

now the problem with review agreggator: because review now is completely subjective and sometimes banal, to reduce it to numbers is insulting to critics. do RT really think that Richard Roeper opinion is hold at the same level as some 20 something blogger from fucking Buzzfeed?

reviewer comes from different kinds of background, and just to ignore that nuance to a mere yes/no algorithm is stupid.

i mean i just found out that Jumper is at 16% at RT, when i watched it years ago, i enjoyed it immensely. i mean there's no fucking way the sharknado - at 80 something - is better than Jumper, from technical level and story.

nerd culture is not that mainstream

in the past decade - less than a decade, actually - we always hear about how nerd and geek culture becoming mainstream, hence, all the movies adapted from said culture. it's all good and fancy right? now those people who didn't/couldn't/wouldn't touch a nerd media in their life, can call themselves geek/nerd just because they read one or two books about superheroes, and always in line to watch the next big blockbuster superhero movies.

then Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice came.

the general audiences are adapted to linear storytelling, popularized by marvel, where the main character(s) go from point A to B to C, then after all the individual movies, we get the climax, the Avengers movie. then you feel geeky when the culmination movie made reference to previous movies

then Zack Snyder came, and fuck you in the ass with references that only, ONLY, comics book nerds who dedicated their resources to this world will understand.

imagine when your only experiences with comic book characters are from marvel movies, you came to this movie with a preconceived idea about how superhero movies should be, then BvS punch you in the tit.

spoilers here.

imagine, the movie starts with another depiction of the Wayne's murder, you thought "oh Pete's sakes we know how batman's parent die"

then MoS climax from Bruce's perspective, "what? I only watch MoS once, what is this?

then after that is just a barrage of reference.

dead robin's suit, probably Jason todd, the reason why bruce is cruel, people who never touch a comic book doesn't know the significance of the suit.

then boom the flash with his ol am I too soon bongaloo, you think, "what is that? what? what the fuck?"

then wonder woman, then doomsday, then middle finger from zack, putting after credits in the middle of the movie.

one of the criticisms for BvS is that it tried to juggle too much, 4 stories into one? we got bruce, clark, diana, lois, and lex? 5 story arcs into one, and it's too busy. well well well, if you read comic books, sometimes they juggle more than that, plus the crossover books - try read all those civil war arcs with all its crossover, you'll have to spend months - and we're adapted to that.

plus the themes and allegory. the simplest question it asks is; "what if superman exist in our society?" in that movie, how people react to supes mirrors our real reaction if superman really does exist. we will fear him, our notion of sovereignty, our belief system, will crumble.

Neil DeGrasse Tyson sums it up in the movie, when darwin gave us the theory of evolution, it removes us human from the center of the universe after copernicus removed earth from the center of the milky way. the existence of superman means all religions in the world are false, there is no god, there is a "god", and he is a man and he can't save everybody.

then lex brings the god theme, god is tribal. muslim thinks their god is the best, so does christians and other religions, god takes sides, and if god takes sides, then god is not all good, thus not all powerful, it's basically epicurus argument.

what made DC movies post Man of Steel is so polarizing and uncomfortable, is the fact that it paints society as it is, cynical, afraid, and selfish. and it deals with consequences of being a hero, and not just in love life - my love life sucks because I'm a superhero - but consequences to the world.

and comic books deals with this theme since its inception, comic books always relevant to the context of  its time. and nothing is more fitting, that the magnum opus of comic book movie adaption, trying to be relevant - and successfully achieving it - to its context of time.

it might not be the best superhero movie, but it's the boldes, bravest, and most relevant.

Ladies Code

this album is probably the best K-Pop album i've ever listen to. granted, i'm not the biggest KPop connoisseur out there, but from my limited experience, Kpop album usually only have 2-3 good songs, tops, out of 9-10 songs, and this album is 3/3 for me.

basis of my judgement? i just can't stop listening to it, i don't even know what genre is this, is this even Kpop? because for sure these songs is the furthest thing from your usual kpop.

what makes this album even better is the story behind it.

ladies code used to be 5 member idol group, and in 2014, two of them died in an accident, and they've been in hiatus since. you can feel the somberness in it, and i guess i like somber, that's the reason i like BvS, it's a somber movie about humanity.

the fact that this album is some kind of statement and rite of passage for these group of young girls makes it even better for me, because honestly, being happy produce shit art.

motherfucking K-Drama - and east asian drama in general

fucking east asian drama, fuck you.

the reason i feel east asian drama - Japanese and Korean - are far superior compared western drama because they hit you like a fucking brick.

they stripped all the useless side of romance - sex, especially sex - and focusing in what's more important, the essentials = the interaction.

whether it's the texting, the flirt, because be honest, not everybody is a godamn cassanova, knowing what to say to those you yearn from day one. most of us sucks, and probably coward, and probably in denial.

my favourite part? happy ending is not a must, at least it'll be bittersweet. because happiness is overrated.

hell, lot of them end in death - Cross Game and Your -fucking- Lie in April comes to mind - because again admit it, life sucks, the probability you'll live happily ever after is closer to zero.

architecture 101, watch it, anybody who reads this, watch this motherfucker, let it hit you in the feels.

In defense of Batman v Superman - and Man of Steel, to some extent.

5 minutes ago, this post is filled with around 500 words of rant why critics are stupid and wrong, but no, i'm not going to.

i love what i love, just like i proudly announce the fact that i love power rangers the movie, and i proudly states that i love Batman v Superman and Man of Steel.

it did to me what no other so called "superhero movies" ever do to me: it hits me emotionally.

and for that alone, these movies already justifies its own existence.

ps: watched it 4 times, loved it everytime

it's gonna rain

memories are weird - am i suppose to use "are" or "is?" it's probably "are" right? memories is the plural form of memory, but i digress - one song, one sentence, a scene, or a panel in a romance manga - i admit it, i read romance manga now and then, i need a little dose of lovey dovey shit in my otherwise boring life - could trigger a memories from a distant past, and the weirdest thing is, sometimes, the memories are not even complete.

i'm talking about this because i'm experiencing this moment right now.

so for the past few hours i've been reading this romance manga, in that manga, there's this panel where the female character are holding her love interest backpack while walking together - by the way, how romantic is that? - then a memory, a scene even, bursting in my brain, i've been through that kinda shit, in college nonetheless, a little bit more than a year ago.

i remember every single detail. i'm wearing my blue-gold adidas classic jacket, grey jeans, white converse, red adidas backpack, after class. she's wearing a black cardigan, and holding to my backpack from when i talk to my professor all the way to the elevator. i mean, for normal people, when a girl do that to you, it's suppose to be memorable right? it's cute, it's romantic, it's the-annie-of-it-all, the constant atmosphere of would they might they.

i mean cmon, it's supposed to mean something right? there's no fucking way a person would holding to another person backpack all the way from the class to the elevator without some kind of ulterior motives, right? i mean the motives could be anything, it could be to mess with my heart, or as a little code of "i kinda like you"

and it's bugging me now. i'm not even sure the other party remembers it, but if she does, it's kinda a jerkish to me to just forget that, right?

i'm looking for a validation here, but i'm not gonna get any. i mean only few of my friends know about this blog, and i doubt it they read it frequently. but i need to write this, because i have nothing to do, and i'm having an existential crisis thanks to Casshern Sins.

Jobless Diary: nico's movie marathon review.

job hunting is sucks, but thankfully my internet is fast and unlimited, or in other word: civilized. because fuck that fair usage policy. *indiehome use fair usage policy, limiting bandwith to 300GB to protects average user from power user who actually knows how to use fucking internet, fuck indiehome*

i've downloaded hundreds of gigabyte of movies and tv series in the past few weeks, and i'm going to review all of them. ALL OF THEM!!

i'm using my uTorrent history as a guide, first come first reviewed.

Misaeng

this is a drama about work place and culture, in a fictional international trade company in South Korea. now, there are two big reasons why i relate to this show so much: 1. i graduated with international trade as my focus, 2. i just got back from short stint of freelance work at Makassar.

this drama tell story about newbie with shitty CV - like me - and first time worker - like me - and how he got draged into some stupid office drama. and when i say drama, it's not about love, it's about whether your item could get approval from higher ups, with few pragmatic yet optimistic message.

i fucking loved it, it's a breath of fresh air really, and let me tell you this: there's no fucking way western people could make something like this, sure they have the office, but it's a comedy show set in an office environment. this drama is about working, and how we just have to work for the rest of our life. it's kinda depressing when i think about it, but it's reality.

5/5

Batman: Bad Blood.

sure Marvel conquers cinematic universe, but DC is THE undisputed king in everything else - comics, games, and animated series. granted, the last few animated feature post Flashpoint Paradox were average at best, but Bad Blood simply better if not up there with the greatest of greats of DC animated.

it's a combination of Batman: RIP and Black Mirror, which means Dick Grayson is Batman. it's fun, the pace is good, Dick being batman means bats actually cracks a jokes. still got weak in the middle of it, but it's fun nonetheless.

4/5

Steve Jobs

this is the definitive Steve Jobs movie. i mean it's sorkin dialogue with boyle visual? i'm sold from the first trailer. but actually watching it? good god it was a treat.

5/5

Spotlight

now this movie is based on true story. ya'll probably read a lot of news about sexual abused by roman catholic priests in US, now this movie about the news investigation team that unveils this dark secret to the people, and affects the whole world: it turns out it happens in the whole world, not just boston.

it's engaging, the cast ensemble and the acting are top notch.

5/5

Space Pirate Captain Harlock

this is an adaptation/reboot for captain harlock, and by reboot i mean the only same thing between the original and this are the names only. it's 3D animated movies. now here's the thing, hollywood needs to make animated serious movie, but given the stereotype of animation there - it's for kids - it's understandable. well unlike japan, where comics and animation are regarded at the same level as novel or film, having a serious animated movie is normal.

the story is the usual japanese style: everything is implied. here again, it's like japanese moviemaker didn't care about box office return, it's like their art is very personal, so it's often the story is kinda incoherent but if you rethink about it, it makes sense.

i can't really recommend this, but for me, this is what holywood should strife for. twist and turn everywhere, with everything implied and even meta commentary.

5/5 for me.

i still have few unfinished series. okay, anime. one is casshern sins, which actually i have watched few years ago, but forget the whole story. found new uncompressed bluray rip torrent with flac audio, decided to rewatch it again.

i'll update it when i finished shit

today is probably the last day at my current house. well make it a week, this could be the last week at this house. a place i call home for the last 5 years, and kinda the most significant one because i went through the whole 5 years of college in this house.

it's kinda empty now, 50-60% of the stuff are already package and ready to ship.

it is bittersweet.

seeing all these empty table and desks, ready to move.

but hey, the new house is kinda better and more isolated, more reason to be a recluse, and it got great internet coverage.

so yeah, thanks for everything.

shitfest

i kinda hate wedding reception, i found it to be a measuring dick arena.

wedding is a place where you meet that person you have no bussiness with for the last few years, and it usually turns into some petty competition.

are you single? "when will you get a girl/boyfriend?"

oh somehow you do have a significant other, "when will you get married?"

oh, you're married? no child? they'll ask you about the first, already have a child? how about second? already have three children? where do they go to school? state or private? good or bad? cheap or expensive?

i'm sick of it really, it always ends up as a competition.

and honestly i don't see the point of inviting hundreds of people, let alone thousands.

come on, most of those marriage end up in a dumpster, yes they still married, but shitfest happened, cheating here and there.

and of course, i'm a dude.

in an equal society, and i mean, truly equal society, the ladies - assuming we're all mainstream, you know, heterosexual - would have no problem having a dude who earn less - lots of people do see annual earning as some measurements - as long as they're happy.

in an utopian society in my dream, a great women would have no problem having a normal dude, and a dude would not feel insecure being stay at home dad.

but in reality, those are not happening, not in my lifetime here in Indonesia.

i mean, rather than spending my already small earning to a person in exchange of love, i'd rather spend it to finance my lifesize armored batman.

but then again, i'm single, jaded, cynical, and not in love.

Leader Class Optimus Prime Project

sebenarnya saya ini suka ngapa2in, cuma kan ngapa2in itu butuh uang dan waktu, dan dulu saya punya waktu, tapi ndak ada uang. nah, kali ini ada lah sedikit waktu dan sedikit uang, maka dari itu saya mau bikin proyek asik yang melibatkan sebuah beautiful piece of (toy) engineering: Leader Class Optimus Prime dari Revenge of The Fallen.

saya mengakui kalo ROTF itu tai ayam, kalau disuruh harus mengurutkan film transformers, urutannya adalah 3-1-4-2. tapi kadang tai ayam memberikan anugrah tertentu, ya mainan ini.

sebagai referensi saja, optimus prime itu aslinya truk kotak

trus mainannya dulu tuh gini

Gini2 sekarang barang mahal nih.

trus kalau ndak salah 2005 diumumin live action Transformers, dan sekitar tahun 2006 - inget banget, lagi liburan di Malaysia, pertama tahu gimana bentuk optimus itu dari Animonster-nya Malaysia, Gempak - baru di reveal design Optimus buat film.

Still the best Optimus the world ever seen, Age of Extinction mah apaan.

it was mind bogling how intricate the design was - and still is - part mobil mana ke mana? bikin mainannya gimana? ga mungkin ah bisa dibikin mainannya.

ya bener, Leader Class Optimus Prime dari tahun 2007 is shit

it was a shitfest.

what the fuck was that? but i bought it anyway, because optimus prime, and i never thought they would be able to replicate the movie's aesthetics without compromising the transformations.

but good god how wrong i was, i don't know what hasbro/takara's engineers are smoking there, but holy fucking shit they did it.

Beautiful.

not only they nailed the robot mode, they probably went through hell to make sure not only the robot mode is accurate, but the car mode as well. i mean, that robot, could transform to this!

*jizzed*

don't believe me? here's a video a dude transforming it

this figure is still the most prized item in my collection, the only problem is the paintjob is not that accurate. takara did release better painted version of this mold, but the cheapest one now worth Rp 4 million, that shit's crazy, my phone is cheaper than that.

but me being me, this is the project, i will try to custom this.

to this

i just needs three gundam marker, red, blue, silver, and some masking tape.

i already have some reference pictures

all in all i only have to spend 150k rupiah for those equipments, compared to 5million i need to spent to buy APS 01U Optimus Prime, it's a steal.

but still, after reading all transformers forum, i kinda need a lot of things. gonna list it here.

- Articulated hand

- Battle Axe and Shield Set

- Sword Set

- Hook Set

- Jetwing Add On FWI-04.

- and The Trailer.

i need the jet the most. cmon, it's a fucking Optimus Prime with a Jetpack

i mean, i could replicat this scene

all in all, wait for me, hopefully i ndak males.